i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
