I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
