I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize