GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
