Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
