you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
