but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
