probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
