Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
