The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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