just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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