Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
