And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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