i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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