Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
