all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
