its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
