I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
