it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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