Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
