I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
