my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
