There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
