Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
