Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
