she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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