Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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