so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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