I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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