We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
