seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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