I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
