there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
and she was petting her beer can
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
