NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
