So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
