On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
