Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
