she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
