I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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