I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
