so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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