I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
