just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
