She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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