i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize