They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
