I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We left an ass print on the piano.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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