I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
