We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
