Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
