Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize