In the future we'll all be gay
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
