Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
