is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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