Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
