the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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