I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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