it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
