the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
