We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
