I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
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I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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