don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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