remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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