is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
