Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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