i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize