Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
