You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
