he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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