i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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