My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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