I think im going to throw up on grandma
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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