i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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